Nearly dying doesn't change anything. Dying -changes everything

Death is a very strange thing. You hear of it happening, everyday, everywhere. The media seems to have sadistic pleasure in bring it to your notice all the time -"56 dead in blasts, 45 drowned in floods, Child dies in motor accident", so on and so forth. You read the headlines, maybe feel shocked and sorry for a while, and conveniently move on to the next headline.You never realise the finality of death till it strikes close to home.

Death is a strange morphogen. It impacts your memories, changes them and somehow, you generally end up feeling guilty. You remember all the fights you had with that person, and, though at that time you had a valid reason for taking the stand you did, now you just find it childish and immature, and you feel guilty. You remember the things that the person had asked you to do for them and you had refused or put off, and never got around to doing. You remember all the good things about that person, and wonder why you never appreciated them enough. You think of all the good times you had with that person and wonder why you never had more, in spite of enjoying them so much. And you feel guilty. And, you realise how final Death is. That no matter how much you wish, you really can't go back in time, give them that one extra hug, have that one special day, tell them sorry for everything, and put things right. You just have to live with your guilt, with your demons that creep upon you and catch you unawares in your weak moments.

It is like what Greg House says - "Nearly dying doesn't change anything. Dying -changes everything".

Crossroads

She stands at the fork in the road. She has no road map in hand. There are no signs directing her, no co-travelers to help her along. She is all alone. And in a dilemma. Which road to choose? Both are one ways. Once a road is chosen, she cannot back track. Both look equally good or equally bad. Dimly lit. She cannot see what lies ahead. She pauses, hesitates. Something tells her these paths are mutually exclusive. What lies on one path can't be found on the other. She would rather remain at that point than choose either of the two paths that lie ahead of her and lose all that lies on the other path, but her time is running out. She must make a decision soon. She's scared to make that one decision which might significantly alter the course of her journey ahead. She wishes she were a child again, when parents - who always hoped for her best- would take the important decisions for her and she would obediently follow them. 'It's easy when others take your decisions for you - that way you have someone other than yourself to blame when things go wrong", she thinks, with a wry smile. But, deep down, she knows that she would rather be the one who decides, that she is grown up now, and, must decide for herself and , while basking in the joy of good decisions, must also take the brunt of the wrong ones. She hears voices in her head, asking her to think carefully, to go on the path leading to what she really wants. She decides to introspect. To realise what she really wants, what her heart desires the most - at the moment. True, the desires are always changeable, and at a later date, she might want the very thing that she gave up. But, that is a risk she has to take. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence and there would surely be moments when she would curse herself for not having gone on the other path. But it would happen no matter which path she chose. No one can peep into the future and see which of the paths lead to a happy end. But, happiness is always a state of mind, and, she decided not to look back once her decision was made and, come what may, find her happiness in her decision.

" Two roads diverged in a yellow woodAnd sorry I could not travel bothTwo roads diverged in a woodAnd I took the one less traveled byAnd that has made all the difference" [Robert Frost, "The road less traveled"]

Faith

I was coming back from work in a city bus. At one stop, one family got into the bus - father, mother with a baby & with a little girl. In the whole clan, only the baby and the little girl could see. The others did not have the gift of eyesight . They conducted each other so well and I don't know what made me stand up instantly (could be that I was stunned to note that though they couldn't see the world, they perfectly conducted themselves into the now overcrowded bus),I told the little girl to sit in my seat.She was all smiles. My attention shifted to the mother with the baby. She could not see the world. It is hard to believe that the husband and wife did not have the chance to see each other all their life. The baby was on his shoulders and they sat happily talking about something. The sudden brakes in city buses are common and I told the girl sitting behind the visually-challenged couple to ask the mother to take care of the baby's head as the child's head sometimes came close to hitting the seat bar. (The traffic was heavy on the road and the driver had to resort to apply sudden brakes too often.) The girl spoke in Kannada to the mother and she positioned her hands correctly to ensure the safety of the baby's head. I got down from the bus with thoughts about, how well-gifted we are and how less we acknowledge it. Could not help thinking about the fact that these people trusted in God much more than all of us. Every time they take a step, they are taking a chance and its only God's support that keeps them going. Someone gave a seat, someone told them that their baby's head can get hurt and when I turned to look at the bus, I saw them getting down also and a police man helping them reach the pavement. They do not get to plan so much about how they will manage on the road, they only know that they have to reach somewhere. How they manage goes by God's plan.
Lesson that I learnt: Just think about where you want to go and not about whether you will make it there or not. If it is meant to be, you will somehow be guided there. You don't lose by failing an attempt, but by never attempting at all. Just start and do as much as you can to keep your focus and leave the rest to the unseen and unknown and incomprehensible power - Call it God, time, luck, confidence, instinct, saviors, nature or sincerity.